Life Is A Ride...

Indeed, life IS a ride... a roller coaster ride of emotions, experiences, feelings, people, places, things... It's an ongoing ride. And we all need to experience that ride in ways that make us positive. No, really, it's best to make the best of everything, really...

I originally rushed to a close in this post on its first draft, because I wanted Chad to have a chance to read, but I do have more that needs to come out, and now's the time. So there are new pieces you may have missed if you read the original post, I'm too damned lazy to go highlight them, and honestly there's no reason to, the post is much better and more coherent now that I finished it.

So, here I am, posting just under 24 hours after my last post. I'm inspired. I'm alone, but inspired. Today has been a ride in and of its own, with the culmination of many things happening this evening. The day started ritualistically, wake up at 10:30am, watch some Ellen Show. Lady Gaga performed Judas for the first time live. I really love her, honestly. She makes sense in this crazy world of things that don't make sense. I then proceeded on a normal day, watching The Doctors and the Channel 11 news at noon. During that time period I briefly chatted with Chad about some ideas I had come up to get a few gigs. I know plenty of people and for plenty of reasons, but have tried to maintain friendships with them in case it was necessary at some point later for whatever the reason may be. In the case of my old friend DJ Ronnie, I've always enjoyed talking to him, usually for 45 minutes at a time on the phone. He's a great friend, and I neglected mentioning him last night, due to some recent strain I placed on our friendship, the details of which are irrelevant and private. Since he is a DJ well known in the area, I figured he might get something happening for Chad to come back to Pittsburgh and perform. I also contacted my ex, Anthony, about anything in Columbus. Our hopes are high, and he will do what he can, and hopefully Chad may get the chance to sing at Columbus pride, by far the largest pridefest I've ever been to, and the most relevant. My hopes are high, because Chad's music, I can't begin to explain. He and I share beliefs on things that are absolutely important such as equality. He is a mentor, and a truly awesome person, I wish I had more words to throw out there right now, but I'm mostly speechless. He said small things tonight, like the fact I will single handedly make him famous. Haha, I can ONLY wish that were true, but I'll try my best. It was Lady Gaga's Little Monsters that really pulled for her, and brought her to the top. So long as Chad sees that vision in his eyes, and reaches for it, he'll go far. Just don't forget me, bud. I believe in you, as I'm sure others do, and I'm fully willing to back you up. Glee quote: You move me, Chad, with your lyrics. And some of the goofy things you say, haha.

Moving onward... (My first run through of this post, Chad distracted me on Facebook chat before he went to bed)

Chad did give me a sneak peek at his album he's worked so hard on, today. Even though he said I'm free to share with friends the songs, I like to feel like someone in the know, and that I don't just trust anyone, his music deserves to be properly released. Not just yet, Chaddy D, not just yet. The 4 songs he has out on his website are a good enough peek, though a song titled simply Michael touched on some sensitive subjects. It will be an amazing song when it's out for the general consumption of others, very beautifully arranged, piano featured heavily, very emotional. He's a brilliant young musician. American Idol, screw you, Chaddy D is more worthwhile. Just sayin'.

As my night continued, I did end up speaking to Mikey for a while this evening, on and off, considering he had class and other random things to do like eat dinner. And I spent a large chunk of time on the phone tonight. Considering 45 minutes on the phone with Ronnie, discussing options for Chad, as well as a good 15-20 with Poppa Keith, and nearly 3 hours if not more with another part of my past, who absolutely is essential to my future--

My mom. Mi madre.

After a disagreement last year on Facebook involving my aunts, my ex, my friend Josh, my mom and eventually me, I had to accept that I was "no longer [her] son". It was hard, it hurt, I lost a lot with my family that day, nearly lost everyone. It was all over my spending habits. Well now I'm frugal and greedy (minus some donations to Chaddy D, PLEASE GO TO HIS SITE AND DONATE SO HE CAN FINISH HIS ALBUM! /end promo). But most importantly, I grew up a lot more. I learned a lot from my mistakes. And it's finally time to realize some dreams. So mom and I talked for 3 hours, about anything and everything. I walked her through fixing her Facebook. I've talked to her continually still on Facebook even as I typed this entry the first time. And a certain Chaddy D who wanted to see what I had to say, so I made sure to finish off the main points in my blog post. But now I'd delve into more.

We hit on subjects such as my sister, Caitlin, which mommy wanted some information on why I took special interest in her, and what we were doing. She has apparently been up late hours, making it next to impossible to wake in the morning. I knew she used to do that all the time, but nowadays she hasn't even signed in to join with the rest of us on Black Ops. My brother Patrick spends every evening on Black Ops, however, which is another tale of its own. But Caitlin has been up late, making her father angry. Through cell phone records, mommy and I found the source, and we talked it out with him. There was no mal-intent, he warned Caitlin before about making sure she got sleep for school in the morning. But poor Timmy, he was afraid to be part of the Forbidden Group, like Mikey and I were.

I did make mom aware that Mikey and I are friends, and he's not the same guy anymore, he's grown up a bit. He's a good kid. He may be 18, but he's far wiser and mature than anyone would think. If he comes to Pittsburgh like we talked about before, he would be a great guy to chill with no matter where.

So then mom and I touched on my situation with Michael. Not like there's a whole lot to say. She said I should contemplate what I need to do. If Pittsburgh isn't right, there's a whole rest of the world out there. As true as that is, I need to find somewhere that is healthy, and stable, so that I can move onward and upward with my life. We talked about school, and she wants me to go back so bad, and so do I. But I did point out that school does require me to have a stable homestead before I can really concentrate. She also pointed out my selection of classes in 2009 were a bad idea, due to the lack of human interaction. Online courses... and one in a room that was supposed to have 10, but only had 4. A ton of homework was issued, and the class was scheduled to only meet 8 times. Of which, only 7 were held I believe. So hopefully this schooling thing can work itself out in the future. It really doesn't matter where I go, I need my first 2 yrs of gen ed courses to get out of the way. I really don't want to leave my home, it's my home and I love it here. But unless I find transportation, I'm in trouble. Mom told me that she understands the situation, and I do really need a job or to go back to school to be stable. But I do have at least one thing I can admit; I love myself. Not in the narcissistic way, but I've come to really love who I am. It's brought some peace and happiness to me tonight.

The best lesson learned though, was that I missed my mommy. I missed her not just for the past year, but when she was unhappy with her soon-to-be ex-husband Randy. She's back to mommy again. And I cry just thinking about how happy I am for her.

I love you, Mom. Really, go listen to Spice Girls - Mama, that sums it up!

I feel that such a wonderful thing has happened today, from mom, to Chad and my realization of how much I love his music, his message, to coming to much better terms with myself and who I am. It's all just so wonderful.

But I did get some bad news today, from Michael, after suggesting he donates a few dollars to Chad so he can finish his album. Michael decided to say no, and got rude with me about it when I admitted that I donated to Chad. His last words to me via text this afternoon were first "Well go marry him ...Waist ur money on garbage... I'm moving out and shutting everything off". Did that hurt? Yes, at first it did. I immediately messaged my sister about it, and she helped me calm down a bit. Chad helped some more. But I really am becoming indifferent. The feelings of hatred and pain are gone, the sticks and stones may break my bones but now his words will no longer hurt me. I, to borrow lyrics from Chad, am the human link. I speak what I think, I control my own destiny, no one is ahead of me. Check that song, also on his website.

I want everyone who reads this to take just 5 minutes of your time and think about how Life Is A Ride. Because "I want you to ride with me", and visit his Lyrics page and look to the right, select Life Is A Ride, and listen to it, following the lyrics on the page. It's an amazing song. It's a fun song, almost in the Just Dance spirit that Lady Gaga showed off in 2008. These days, an uplifting song like that is what we need. But fear not, his other songs are just as wonderful, too. I hope you guys can believe in him and his lyrics too.

So on that note, Blogger, I'm done for the night. After plenty of editing the original post which was up at 3:39am, it's now 5:02am and this post has nearly double the content! And I definitely started having my eyes shut on me while I typed and continued typing whatever ran through my mind. I have much more on that mind, but some things are meant to be private, especially some emotions. And those are for me to keep to myself and maybe one other person, but that all depends on who that person may be. It's really time to go now, though, kids.

Thank you guys for listening. I love you.

Mah-tee